Tuesday, April 17, 2012

A Typical Morning of A Naija Commuter...

          I drowsily set an alarm for 5am the night before and forgot to put it on (smart phones are not so smart, check!). So when daylight woke me in the morning, I knew it was too late to go jogging. I checked the alarm I set to see if I selected pm instead of am and realized it wasn't even on in the first place. On the real, I was glad I had ninety extra minutes of sleep. When I finally got up, I knew I'd be late for my appointment that was specifically timed at "very early in the morning" if I didn't hasten up, as conquering the route might take thirty to forty minutes if the traffic is light. I sat in a back seat of a bus trying to use my anxiety to make the vehicle go faster through the traffic. Halfway into the journey (and full-way into my lateness), another passenger entered and sat between me and a lady. He had not adjusted in the seat properly yet, but he brought out his phone, put on the radio and started listening to 'news' on the loud speaker (because "news" is important and earphones are not). He had the phone (loudly) close to his right ear and (loudly) inside my left ear. He chose the moment when my irritation was peak to adjust in his seat, lean to his right and transfer the noise into my brain. I wore a smile (cos I like the 'who is ruder' game) and looked at other people's faces to see their reactions to the sounds and sounds of Abuja mornings. I detected disgust. Satisfied that it was same with mine, I brought out my phone and searched for the noisiest song I have (I wish I had Konga's 'Kaba kaba'). I put the phone to my left ear and pressed play. I heard a snicker from the lady. The 'News Man' looked at me and tried to ignore my revenge. Still wearing a smirk, I totally ignored his stare and started bobbing my head. 'News' wasn't flowing (for him) anymore as he was changing hands back and forth from one ear to the other. I tried not to laugh when my second phone rang in my left pocket because he shifted away from the vibration and secondary noise (second secondary noise). I let it ring as it was a message and increased the width of my smile (I was winning 'who is ruder' and being late dey give free trips sometimes). Nobody in the bus spoke all the while, but their facial expressions had changed (extra points for me). When we got to the next bus stop, the 'News man' decided to pay and leave. I was expecting him to step on my boots as he tried to get out (that move would have given him enough points to even scores and that's what I would have done if I were him). The 'Loser News Man' didn't. He just left with a background of laughter. As I seat blogging now, karma is serving me good. In all my hurry, all I get is a non-assuring 'come tomorrow, there is a meeting'. 'Mr Loser News Man' if you are reading this, no vex oh. It was just a game, and everybody cheats to win...

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